Have you ever taken a Myers Briggs test? It is basically a personality test that tells you more about who you are and why you act the way you do. I am what you would call an “ESFP” or the “entertainer.” The letters stand for:
- Extraversion (E)
- Sensing (S)
- Feeling (F)
- Perceiving (P)
The short explanation of an ESFP is that we are “spontaneous, energetic and enthusiastic – life is never boring around ESFP’s.” Get this… 11% of the population has the ESFP personality type. Interesting stuff!
Although these characteristics seem like a thrill a minute I have learned that my personality has many weaknesses. Like avoiding conflict, getting distracted often and feeling hurt easily. Taking this test has clarified those weaknesses for me. And so has being married.
Being married has opened my eyes to myself. This may sound a bit backwards. You might be thinking, “Shouldn’t you be learning more about your husband?! How selfish!!” Yes well, I am selfish. But if you asked my husband he would say that marriage has helped him learn more about himself as well. Which is fantastic.
We got married November of 2015; the first few months of marriage were difficult because we were trying to understand and learn each other in a new way. A way we never had to while dating.
About two months in I noticed that I felt like I was annoying, unlovable and in the way. I knew this wasn’t the way I wanted to feel so I decided to perform a highly secret scientific experiment on my husband (Duh-Duh-Duh!!!)
We started off by taking the simple Myers Briggs test and going over our Love Language’s. These simple tests took a little time but the results were eye opening.
I learned that my husband and I are pretty opposite. I am an extrovert, he is an introvert. I work off of feelings and he thinks things through. I approach things with a perceiving eye and he uses his judgment. My Myers Briggs title is “The Entertainer” and his title is “The Logistician.” So, yeah, we are wired differently.
For example: I am energized when I am in crowds and hanging out with friends. My husband is energized when he has time alone. I am basically a puppy and when my husband comes home from work. I get excited, hug him, welcome him and ask him a million questions before he can even take his shoes off. My husband needs a little space to get reorganized, regroup and have dinner before he is ready to have my puppy dog excitement in his face.
Here is where I put my scientific findings into action. Rather than going out I would try to spend the weekends in. Rather than jumping up to greet my husband after work I would stay on the couch and say hello.
I let this go on for a few weeks.
After enough time went by I was ready to talk about my scientific studies and see how my experiment went.
I asked my husband if he felt better about how I was greeting him. He said he missed my getting up to hug him and say hello, but he didn’t miss the endless questions.
I asked my husband if he liked spending weekends at home. He said he appreciated our restful Saturday mornings together, but liked going out and adventuring out after that.
Then it hit me. I can help make those changes and make him happy! We just need Balance!
If I am fed by going out and my husband is fed by quiet time, we can make time to do both!
I recently went to visit a friend in Chicago and which gave my husband time to himself where he could run, work and relax and that time apart made him start to miss me! Which made me feel loved, cared for and well worthwhile. We were both rejuvenated!
So basically, I am learning that marriage is a science experiment. Lots of weighing, measuring, test and learning (I wanted to throw in some more scientific sounding things in here, but I have no idea what terms to use. Did I mention I got a ‘C’ in science? ). This whole marriage thing has been pretty fun so far! And with my ESFP personality you can bet your bottom dollar that life will never be boring!